drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She announced her abortion via fbk
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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