So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Boobs are out for the taking
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
