my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
