If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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