My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize