A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
