So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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