Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
