i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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