So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
