I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize