dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
