Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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