I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
