I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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