Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Everclear isn't food dammit
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
