This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
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I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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