It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
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I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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