so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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