Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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