Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
