Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
