Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
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He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
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You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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