Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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