Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
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It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
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You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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