well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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