Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
