New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
