my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
