Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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