Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
from now on my penis is your penis
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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