Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
