i think i have two assholes
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
