Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
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#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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