It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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