pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
