I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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