I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
