Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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