I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
