I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Randomize
