I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
