Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
