my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
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He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
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Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize