it hurts more in the daytime
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
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I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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