every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
whose parrot is this?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Randomize
