If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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