we have pet lesbian snakes
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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