i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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