sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I wanna passion pit in your ass
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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