well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
