I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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