I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
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