He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
How does one acquire holy water?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
