I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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