your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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