I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
whose parrot is this?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
