lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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