This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Randomize
