I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
