The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize