I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
where are you?
Hypothermia
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I stole a fireplace last night.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
