She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
