How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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