I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
