I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
