you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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